December 2, 2006
-
Ask me out already…. I like you!
Ask me out already …. I like you! That was the header of the MySpace bulletin. Unfortunately, I didn’t repost and I will have bad relationship luck for the next 10 years. Girls, looking for a guy to rebound with for a very short period of time? Hello, for the next 9 years or so, I’m your guy.
Now, this has been the conversation topic with a couple of different ladies recently. One flat out refuses to tell any guy she is romantically attracted to him before he makes a move. A couple of others are willing to make that leap, but are too scared. I’m sure there are males out there who are too scared to ask that cute girl from Chemistry on a date, too. So how the hell do people ever get together?
Perceived opportunity cost.
I’ve used this term before, though it’s a bit of a misnomer, since it’s really just the straight opportunity cost. When you make a move on that beau of your choice, said person has to make a choice: Will I get more benefit out of being in a relationship with you than I would out of being single? Obviously, you’ve already thought about it and think that you would get more benefit out of being in the relationship. But asking the question of the other person has costs of its own. You could find your proposal to be well received, which is, of course, the desired outcome. However, you could be rebuffed. In this scenario, two things could happen. Either you continue being friends with the knowledge one of you cares more for the other, or your friend could avoid you, either for a short period of time or for the indefinite future.
Sometimes you are close enough to the person to believe that he won’t break off all contact. Other times your social goals don’t depend on him as a friend. For certain, the only time people usually make that move is when they feel they can’t go on as only friends any longer and must either start dating or break off the friendship entirely.
Here is my belief, my advice, my rambling for you: If you find yourself attracted to someone, tell him sooner rather than later. Otherwise you taint your entire concept of the person with the knowledge that you want to get with him.
Dr. Carasco
Comments (7)
true i agree with ya, although i would never get the courage to tell them. haha im a pansy
Nice point about perceived opportunity cost and the possible outcomes of the situation. However, I can’t agree completely with your concluding statement. People have to determine what type of attraction they feel towards another person. They have to decide if it’s a “romantic attraction” or a “friendly attraction”. Attraction is not restricted to just romance. People are attracted to there friends too—in a platonic ways of course. Both of these attractions involve the desire to spend more time with the person and, as a result, can easily be confused. This confusion causes problems and applying your advice might create unnecessary awkwardness. Been there, done that and it’s not the most pleasant experience.
And, yes, the tainting occurs but I would venture to say that this is true of any relationship, of any type, that a person want to change (ie getting closer to or further from each other). Generally, people will superimpose that they want to see (or think they want to see) and forget to take into account what they actually see. This is one of the major problems with the confusion about what type of attraction is present. Also, when one doesn’t know a person well enough they will “fill in the blanks” with there own perceptions, furthering the tainting.
Wow, that’s a long comment.
ryc: i can’t even begin to imagine what its going ot be like to meet him.
and ryp: i agree. i hate it when people pussyfoot around their emotions.
Yule Shoot Your Eye Out – Fall Out Boy
just letting you know- the title of this post freaked me out.
Yeah I agree, its always better to tell someone how you feel even if they dont feel the same
I have found that it makes for more honest and thus better friendships if you just tell the other person that you have feelings for them beyond just friendship. Now it can be bad in that the other person may not feel the same way about you and might pull away but I think that you just need to be a little forceful with them at that point and explain your feelings which should be that you want to remain friends. If you let it go on then it can just make you miserable with not knowing so one should tell them very soon.