January 10, 2007

  • "You'll always love your first love."  I hate reading this, it always seems to me like it will just be a way to measure the failings of other relationships.  Also, it's something I've never known a guy to say, only girls.  So here's my question for you, as I labor away at trying to read all of Xanga that has happened since I escaped class:  Does everyone always love their first love, and if not, then what type of people do?  I'd also appreciate some thoughts on the effect such an attitude might have on other relationships.
    Dr. Carasco

Comments (18)

  • Now, see, that thought bothers me.

    Especially if they're distinguishing between 'first love' and 'first crush'.  I've known several people who had crushes on me, and I had no interest in even starting a relationship.  'Twas rather creepy, really.

  • I think that you will always remember your first love and that it is pretty much universal. I believe that love when it is real is always there maybe not as evident and as strong as it once was and in that respect I would have to claim that it is true across the board. I know that I still love my first love (long story that involves me getting cussed out and is quite entertaining and as such I will tell you later). That being said I am only one man (questionable on the man part, I probably should have chosen the word idiot to put there) so it is impossible for me to say for sure.

  • I don't know. I'm still with my first love so I really have no say in the matter. It's definitely a good question, though.

  • i think that people will always have some sort of an attatchment to your first love....you may not always LOVE them, but there will always be something there. i know from experience...i still feel part of me wanting to be with my first love again...and yet...i HATE him...and i make sure everyone knows that, but the truth is...i would probably be with him again in a heartbeat (which is NOT the wiser choice) but its just a feeling that comes with your first love, its the first time you experience something like that, and you dont want to let that go....

  • i think you'll always remember your first love. now i hav never been in love but they are part of your past and at that, i big part of your past. they helped shape you in some sort of aspect. anytime you hav a first anything, there is always some sort of attachment to them still no matter what just because they were the first people to introduce you to it.

  • first love...how do you know that you're in love? i mean, i'll probably always remember the first guy i had a huge crush on, but i wont always "love" him in the romantic sense of the word, if i ever did.

  • Ugh. I'm so stuck on my first love that I still cry over it. At least right now my relationships are based on the one with him. I know this can cause more damage than anything, but what am I to do? I love him, but hate him!

  • First, to start the break down of the phrase and analyze it one must first define the parts. What is love? What constitutes and your first love? Is love eternal? How long is always? How one defines each part would affect there response. I’m not going to take neither the time nor the space to make the long statements necessary for me to define all this information. I’m trying to keep this relatively short and failing already.

    Anyways, I would tend to agree with measuring other relationships on the scale created by the first one, but we do that regardless of whether we’re still in love or just holding on to the memory. And yes it is a statement made by females which I think is impart, us trying to hold on to the past and to romanticize it. Generally women are better at romanticizing the past. So that’s the start the type of people question. I would also include attachment as a fact. The more attached a person is the more likely they are to hold on. Always loving one’s first love gives stability (which can probably be tied back to attachment). In summery, the “type of people” (assuming there is a type) would potentially be romantics (in the broad since of the word), attached, and in search of stability.

    Now that my comment is actually longer then your post I think I will stop and leave the affects for another time.

    Good luck making it through all the updates.

  • Here's what I think: 

    I think that some people will always love their first love.  I also think that some will always care about their first love, even though they are not in love with them anymore.  Then there are those that love only once...the first person they fall in love with is who they were meant to love. 

    Me, I fall in the second category.  While I do not love him anymore...I still care about him.  Every so often he crosses my mind, but thoughts of love are never there.  You will always care about someone who you had such intense feelings for, but love is different.  Love isn't neccessarily a feeling...it's more of an action.  You show love to others, whether it be that one special person, or your neighbor.  I believe that you can always love your "first love,"  but it depends on the person...and it's a matter of the heart.  It's not a status quo that applies to the whole population. 

    So...that's I think.  Hope you're doing good!

    Jacque

  • ryc: an intellectual whore?

    Anyway I think it's possible to love your first love in a platonic way once the relationship is over, the way you love a friend or your family. Sometimes I think it's better to leave past loves behind so they don't sabotage later relationships with trust issues, though. I know I wouldn't be thrilled if I was with someone who mentioned still loving his first love. You have to use discretion.

  • The only way that I can make sense out of that phrase (for it doesn't apply to me either) is that you'll always love and cherish the experiences of the first, not necessarily the person. Then again, I'm enjoying the second one more than the first, but I'm the result of an odd situation.. anyway, I think that it just means the first sensations of love and innocence will always have a special place in your heart as opposed to the second, third, and fifty-seventh relationship until you get married, divorced, remarried, and then have a very spectacular affair once you become a young widow(er).

  • ryc: of course. but that doesn't mean you're inlove with your first love. it means that you cherish what you had, realize its in the past, and still respect and care about that person a great deal.

  • I read the link you sent it was hilarious! I think some of the stuff about women was a little off though... or at least it doesn't fit my profile of how I view myself  :P

  • I know I'm several days late in responding to this, but for me, I think I'll always love my first love. And I really did love him. It definitely did not end well, but it did end suddenly. He turned out to have MANY problems I couldn't even attempt to fix. and to this day, I try to have no contact with him. He's bad news. but, I can't hate him. or hold a grudge. and I know he's nothing compared to the guy I'm with now, but still, I'll always love him, and because of that I want him to be okay. I want him to be better for his own sake

  • Yes ... unfortunatley... I lost and found mine twice and yet he still feels like the one who can get to me like no one else. I hate it. We make each other feel 16. Then we act like a pair of idiot teenagers!

  • You never forget your first love. Im not talking about first crushes I am talking about the first time you fell in love if you were so fortunate to do so when you were young. The first butterflies the first staring into someone eyes forever, the first marathon kissing sessions the first time you felt actual love. It's the best and can never be duplicated with anyone else ever. It is possible to move on and find other loves and perhaps marry other people whom you do indeed love. But that first time around.......there is nothing like it. I fell in love for the first time at 16. Unfortunatley we were too young to make anything of it. We broke up. I never forgot about him and thought frequently of him. 27 years later he contacts me and I fell right back in love even stronger than the first time around. So first love endures and it is the best of all.

  • I will always love my first love. Now this is not my first crush. I had a little boyfriend in the 7th grade and a crush at 15 but at the age of 16 I fell head over heels in love with my first true love. I loved him like no other since then and I will never forget him. Circumstances forced us apart at that young age and we both moved on to other relationships. Had a chance to meet him again after 27 years had passed and I fell head over heels in love again in an instant. The second I heard is voice again. That kind of love never dies. We are still not together because we are committed to others. But I love him very much, I cherish him and he means a lot to me. So yea, you never forget or stop loving your first.

  • im just as confued as you hun, i fell in true deep love when i was 15. we never fight or argue, we just had fun laughed, spent time with just us or friends as well, best time of my life, my mum made us split after a few weeks he saw me on my own gave me his new mobile number and told me to give it another go think about it and text him, after a week of tryin to chose weva to have a secret love with my lover and lie to my mum or let it go and be faithful to my mum, as much as i love her i text him asking to give us another go and to meet me. he never shown up, i was yet again heart broken and thaught my mum was right, few months later he passed his test and he kept driving past me and being in places i was but not so i can talk to him, every time he drove by i felt my heart in my mouth! many months past and i see him on his bike with a friend of his out side shop, i walked by but managed to pluck up the currage to go back and ask him to talk, he offered to walk me home, i asked why he didnt get back to me he said he didnt get a text, turned out i  forgot he changed his number and text his old phone!! to this day i still could hit my self so hard and to this day the question of what if runs through my mind, then it came, he found someone who looked and acted like me he sed he was sorry and walked away with tears in his eyes, i could of died on the road there and then! i remember it like yesterday. the girl he dated was the girl who used to bully me when we was together now i no why, she wanted my man, and she got him, but it didnt last long as she was not nice inside, we never spoke from that day, no text, no calls, no driving buy for 9 years....till 2 weeks ago. i started a new job and who would be working there!! my first love. all them feelings come back, the what if, the questions of do you still think of me, do you still love me all these came back in my mind, but im married with 2 children and i dont no why im like this! i dont no if its love of just the way it ended. but i think of him often always have done, any song or look alike will bring it all back in play. no idea what or why or how many years i feel like this, but i still not spoke to him as he just braught a house with his girlfriend and looks happy and thats all i ever whanted for him so i supose im happy for him and let it lie even if it does meen i live with it eating me alive for the rest of my life, as long as he happy im willing to suffer with this confusion.

    hope u find out soon what u feel.

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