January 12, 2007

  • Thank God.  I would have expected both boys to be long dead by now.

        I have finished reading all the back xanga posts from when I left the fast Internet, and I'm also pretty much caught up on commenting on the interesting ones.  Although there were some pages I opened and then forgot what I was going to say.  I don't have class on Fridays, so instead I've been scanning pictures into my computer, both to provide extra security for them and just for the pleasure of having them in digital form.
        Interesting thoughts on that quote.  I'll skip my analysis for a bit, as I still don't believe in romantic love.   As someone pointed out, we need to be precise in our definitions.  I define love as the emotion directed at a person when one's happiness depends on the happiness and wellbeing of that person.
        For the longest time, I struggled with that, because I thought that one should be able to love multiple persons.  A man ought be able to love his mother, wife, and daughter, after all.  So why not the ex-girlfriend from ages past.  I now believe that for one to love to his fullest extent, those the love is directed at must not be conflicting interests.  The ex-girlfriend represents a direct conflict with the wife, and an indirect conflict with the daughter and, to a lesser extent, the mother.  Obviously, he might still want her to be happy, but her happiness is of much less importance than the happiness and wellbeing of his wife.
        Also, the distinction between love and lust/crush must be made.  Lust/crush is when you want him to want you, whereas love, by the above definition, is where you want him to be happy.  I think it is unhealthy to expect to get the same style or type of personal interaction with a new lover as you had with your old flame, for while the new will be better, he will certainly not fit into the old pattern.
        Of course, following this pattern, you might always love your first, second, third... You get the point.  You just won't love them romantically.  So where's that breaking point where it tips over to romantic love?  I don't know, and I'm not certain that I care.  I do know that it involves making a serious commitment to work for the happiness of the other person to the detriment of yourself in the expectation that he will work for you in the same manner.  When you stop making that commitment, that is when I think most people say they have fallen out of love with whomever.
        On the whole, I think that Cinza and Kes have it right - we connect with that happy feeling from past brushes with love, not the persons.
        10 ladies (one commented twice) and 2 guys responded to this quote.  That either reflects the makeup of my audience, Xanga, something else about this particular topic, or nothing at all.
    Dr. Carasco

Comments (12)

  • wow, first to comment.  that hasn't happened in forever.  then again, i haven't commented forever, for which i appologize...

    as i told you, i had to first read the previous post, so now i must comment on it.  i agree that you will alwyas love your first love, but i also agree that doesn't usually remain a romantic love.  i believe there are many different types and levels of love.  i still feel a deep level of attachment to my first "love", although at the time i was in 8th grade and still trying to find the "real" meaning of love.  looking back, i believe i did love him, but it was a very early stage and experience of love.  i have not come into contact with the person for a long time, so it is definately no longer a "romantic" love, but i still have "feelings" for said person.

    i am not a person that flies between relationships.  i take each relationship seriously and deeply consider before getting into them (i know, this might be hard for you to believe after some previous conversations, but its true).  i feel that i have at least slightly loved three different people.  of these, one i haven't talked to for several years (as previously mentioned), one i am just now beginning to be able to look at again without feeling revolt and rage, and the other i have no idea what's going on with and am questioning his intentions from the start.  all 3 of them still hold a place in my heart, even though we have grown apart.  i believe that if you truly love a person, a part of them will always remain a part of you.

    i know this extremely long rambling comment probably wasn't necessary, but i felt like sharing my views, and once i get going, sometimes its hard to stop.  hope it added some insight and cost to your cause.

  • That's the second entry I've seen this week where someone is trying to define love. You can't. It's just something you know.

    But that's not why I'm here.

    ?

  • I think it probably reflects on the psychology of guys that only two guys commented. In our culture guys are not supposed to talk about feelings at all even if they are not in any way related to themselves. I tend to disagree with that view especially when it has nothing to do with me.

    Congrats on getting caught up on Xanga from the past month.

  • Now I think that you are failing to define the different kinds of love. There is the brotherly love found in the family, where it is almost a forced love that you cannot avoid. You may wish for their death, but you know that you would feel emptier if they were gone. To me, the love found in families is a greater form of the love found in friendships. It is the feeling of extreme attachment to people who you have shared your entire life with, and the people (your mother and father) who you owe your very life to. It's hard not to feel close to your life-long teammates. Then there is the love that you share with your friends. Friends, as terrible as it is, are replaceable. You can choose your friends. Because of this, the love found in friendship is a love with more understanding between the bodies than the love in the family. Yeah, I think that the love in friendship is based on understanding, empathy, and those who you can relax with. It eventually gets to the point where the friend(s) is/are not what you automatically consider "replaceable," but they still don't share the same feeling as that of the family. Although, in some cases, your friends may seem closer than your family. Anywho, we are then left with the Love love. I guess you would refer to it as the romantic love. To me, that love is when you find someone who becomes (or has the potential to become) a very well loved friend. It comes to a point that that love almost merges with the family love, where you become accustomed to their emotion and personality. I guess what I'm trying to say is that the romantic love is a very delicate mixture of friendship and family. It is someone who gives you comfort, security, and happiness. It really isn't something that you can analyze and pinpoint. It is something that you can feel.. it feels different than anything. I'm sure that you are familiar with the feeling, my dear Mr. Horton. Oh, and about the ex-lover love thingy: I think that love returns to the friendship kind of love, although the memories still linger. It is the knowledge of these fond memories that could create conflict between the new loves, friends, and family- not the love itself.

    Hopefully you'll find some contentment with your definition of love, Mr. Horton. I wish your mind rest.

  • Wow.. that was longer than I expected.

  • Awww who was it that knows me from Mulvane?

  • Hehe, well, I hope she enjoys the linkage.

  • Hey hows it goin up there?? just wanted to say hi comment me back

    Emily

  • I was happy to see that they found those boys.  That was pretty close to were I live.

  • Hey...thanks for answering the question about the footprints. I think I came from Kyjo's site initially but I'll be back because that was an interesting post about love. I like seeing the different opinions.

  • RYC:

    I aways think of you as a very serious guy. Your comment was very funny, I enjoyed it.

    Regarding this subject:

    I should do a update on endless love. I have commented on the subject enough. But to give it a start. The desire for an endless love is an extremely common desire. How many other things can you think of, that are are so widely desired that don't exist? And of course many claim that they experience this endless if unrequited love.

    Is it possible that you don't stop loving the first love because of a new one? But that you deny that love in order to be faithfully to the second?

  • You can't define love. We should all know that because love is defferent for each person. It means a different thing ect.I'm one of those people who believe that you will only fall in love once because you will stay in love forever. You just have to find the right one. I believe that they will come when you least expect it but you will just know, when you find them, that this is the one. You can feel every emotion all at once and not be over whelmed, really, because you are so greatfull that you finally found "him". I beleive that when you fall in love you will feel something that you have never felt before in your life and that will stay with you forever. You'll be so greatful to have it and so afraid that it will go away all at the same. You can't explain it...but you can understand it. The world is perfect, if only for a moment and they are all that matters... ShellA

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